or alternately: Standing On My Own Two Feet.
N. and I are on an unlimited hiatus, and I find myself learning to navigate on my own in a new world. Does that sound dramatic? It isn't. It's just that the relationship with N. opened so many doors and possibilities and I'm suddenly faced with figuring things out for myself.
Way back when, I said he was a catalyst for me, and that still holds true... when the catalytic agent has finished working the original elements have undergone a change without the agent itself changing at all- I'd like to think that I've been important to N., but I don't think I've fundamentally changed him.
Well, let's say both N and his wife have opened up a world to me (and my husband), and it's exciting and strange and scary and good. I had never really believed that people I knew/liked/respected were actively exploring their sexuality in ways that include polyamorous relationships and maintaining a healthy marriage. Now I know that that is possible, that it's possible to want to (and to) fuck other people without it meaning the end of your marriage.
My husband and I are more communicative about our needs and desires than we have been in many years, and I am grateful. Where we will go from here is undefined, and that's fine.
And N.? I will continue to read his blog with pleasure. I will enjoy the in-person friendship we have, and I will be secretly gratified by our playfully sordid past. And I may kick his ass periodically at Scrabble. In between the spankings he will certainly give me ;-).